|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
 |
|
| Home · Archive · Must See · Bad Movies · About |
|
 Welcome to the past reviews page. Actually this is the middle man. You see, there are too many reviews to put them all on this one page so we put the reviews on other pages, this is like the table of contents. Below you'll find a list of all the movies that we have reviewed. The list is in alphabetical order. Movies beginning with "A" or "The" will be found under the first letter of the second word of the title. For example "The Ring" is with the R's and "A Knight's Tale" is with the K's. |
|
|
E 8 Crazy Nights Adam Sandler as you've never seen him before... animated, but also how you've always seen him before... in a funny movie that lacks a real plot. Five minutes into the movie you know what's going on and why Davey isn't the kid he used to be and how he became the drunkard, foul mouthed, smart-assed hooligan he is now. So here's the story... Davey was the good kid, smart, a wicked basketball player, and in love with a teammate (co-ed basketball he's not gay) but then something happened and he lost reason to be that kid anymore and started orphanage hopping and drinking. Everyone more or less gave up on him until he was about to be put away for 10 years, then Whitey (the furry guy from the trailer) offers him an alternative by assisting him as a referee. Davey goes through all this with Whitey's sister Elenore and some deer and you find out more about his past. The intelligent crowd already knows what happened in his past and why he protects an envelope so much and even why he's a drunk moron, but the humor in this movie more than makes up for the lack of plot... because really who goes to a Sandler flick hoping to get a movie spewing plot. Eight Legged Freaks I went to see this movie because I was expecting some pretty good laughs and to be entertained. What I got was a couple of laughs, a waste of money, and an hour and a half of my life taken away from me. This movie was supposed to be a horror movie spoof and it seems to me that they tried too hard to spoof and didn't try to make it as funny as it could have been. There didn't seem to be a plot or a script. The "actors" if you want to call them that seemed to just be making up lines as they went along. I don't recommend anyone go see this film unless you have seen everything else that has already come out. 8 Mile Rap star Eminem makes his first big screen appearance in this movie about a struggling rapper in 1995 Detroit. Em stars as Jimmy Smith Jr., but he goes by the nickname Bunny Rabbit. Rabbit is trying to save up enough money to get himself out of his mobile home and out of the poor life in Detroit. He's nervous every time he has to go out and perform and it frustrates him that his one ticket out is so close yet so far. He goes through a lot, friends betray him, arguements with his mother, but through it all he kept his head held high. This movie is real inspirational. It tries to prove the old motto that you can do whatever you want if you just set your mind to it. The acting is superb in the movie, most probably wouldn't believe that a rap star could act but Eminem pulls it off. The supporting cast does a great job, led by Kim Basinger. I would have to recommend everyone go and check this movie out, even you Eminem nay-sayers, because you won't be disappointed. Elf Buddy is an elf. Well he's an elf like Tarzan is a wolf. For those less read that means that he was raised by elves. He was up for adoption, and when Santa came to his adoption house Buddy climbed out of the crib and into Santa's bag. So he's taken to the North Pole where Santa is very much real, and Buddy is raised by elves. When he becomes three times the size of all his friends he realizes that he's a human and goes to New York to find his real father. This is the first movie that I spat I laughed so hard. You know that spit when something is so funny and so out of left field that you can't control yourself and emit a spray of saliva? Yeah, this movie was that funny. It doesn't let up. I came out of the theatre with the warm fuzzies and a sore back and sides. The plot was good enough, the humor was incredible and the acting was outstanding. Everyone reading this should stop and see this film, you will not be disappointed. Equilibrium Christian Bale is back in action. This time in a movie that's one part Fahrenheit 451, one part 1984 and one last part of badass action flick. In the future the government has an agency set up to stop all forms of feeling and Christian Bale is the top agent (funny how that's how it always is). When he makes a bust on Emily Watson he begins to think about how pathetic his life is, just going about doing as your told feeling no remorse or joy or love or anything. He slowly falls into an underground cult that the feeling police have been tracking and they help him ala Faber and his friends in Fahrenheit 451. It's a great movie and Taye Diggs as his partner continues his reign of badass supporting roles (The Way of the Gun). The movie is fast paced and has a great, though faulty story (I mean really how are you gonna diminish all feeling it was a big undertaking by the director and producers and they did well). I suggest everyone go see this. It's one of my top ten films of the year. F Fear Dot Com Fear dot com is the story of a detective, Mike (Steven Dorff), who has been plagued by a man calling himself "the Doctor" who runs a site like rotten.com only they actually show you the murder, on one episode of "The Doctor's" show he kills a girl and Mike is determined to find the sicko and put him away. Meanwhile theres a site, feardotcom.com that asks people if they like to watch and flashes grotesque pictures of death and people being killed spewing blood and such and after all that you are told that you have 48 hours to find this girl. Mike falls for a department of health worker and things never really develop... as a matter of fact nothing in this movie really develops, it's all just a string of grotesque clips and a girl with a white ball. Nearer the end of the movie it just becomes more confusing and in the very end things come together but not enough to save this movie. It's not all bad... just mostly bad. Final Destination 2 Let me start by saying... NOT for the weak of stomach, this is by far the goriest movie I have ever seen, and I've seen Platoon, Saving Private Ryan and all the war blow people to bits movies. This installment takes off exactly one year after the flight 180 crash that Devin Sawa predicted and "saved" his friends and teachers from. Kimberly Corman sees a massive freeway accident and "saves" her friends and some other people, I use quotations because after she "saves" her friends they die in the next thirty seconds... it's funny. The whole movie is funny because the death scenes are so out there, but good lord are they gory. Anyway back to the synopsis... so Kim is trying to solve the whole freeway accident and her presight of it and she finds the sole survivor of the first Final Destination, Clear Rivers, and together they try to figure out what's going on. This movie is the best of 2003 so far. It's funny, it's gross, it's got a decent plot with a decent twist, it's got all sorts of hidden things to look for that signify the coming death of characters... it's honestly the best of 2003 so far. By the way they tell you of the fates of the three people you saw live in the first Final Destination, definitely check this movie out... two or three times. Finding Nemo Pixar animation studios, the people that brought you Toy Story and Monster's Inc., are back with an undersea adventure about a father and son. Marlin is a clown fish that lost his wife and all their eggs except for one to a fish who ate them all. The surviving egg would turn out to be the fish he names Nemo. On Nemo's first day of school a bunch of fish sneak off of the Great Barrier Reef where they live and into the big ocean. Marlin tries to stop Nemo but can't and Nemo is caught by diver's and brought back to land to live in an aquarium in a dentist's office. Marlin must now swim across the ocean to save Nemo. He runs into Dory who is sweet but forgetful. Together they run into all kinds of danger including sharks and jellyfish before being helped by a group of turtles and a pelican. Nemo also makes new friends in the aquarium and they plot to get him back to his father and save him from the dentist's evil niece. The film is very funny and cute like all the other Pixar films that have come before it. The voice talents of Al Brooks, Ellen Degeneres, Willem Dafoe, Eric Bana and many others add to the greatness of the film. A good family film that can be enjoyed by people of all ages. Formula 51 The always entertaining Samuel L. Jackson(Star Wars, Pulp Fiction) stars in this action/comedy flick. He plays Elmo McElroy, a chemist who invents a formula for a drug that is 51 times more powerful than the worst drugs known to man(hence the movie title) and he wears a kilt in the movie for some reason. None of the ingredients in the drug are illegal, so you could sell this stuff in a grocery store and get away with it. Everyone wants to get the formula, and many deals are made and broken and made and broken again. Some good action sequences and a whole lot of comedy make up this film. The acting is good and the story is believable. This a good watch for all of you movie goers who are tired of the same ol' action or the same ol' comedy, because it mixes both together quite nicely. Frailty Go see this movie. That's all I have to say to you, when you come back read the rest of the review. Ok well any of you who stayed are morons cause this movie is so incredibly good. It's the story of a father (Bill Paxton who also directed, finally found something he was good at) and his two boys Fenton and Adam one of which is played by Matthew McCaughnehey. Paxton has a vision that says he's to become a soldier on God's army to help prevent apocalypse and must destroy demons with a pair of gloves, an axe with "otis" inscribed on it, and a lead pipe. When Paxton touches the "demons" skin to skin he can tell what their sins are and knows that they are demons and then finishes them off with the axe. It had incredible sound and was not gory like one would expect a horror movie would be. It was scary and it did show some scenes that weren't pretty but more than all that it makes one think. And Remember kids, don't get a ride with strangers, ESPECIALLY if they have ice cream. Freaky Friday Disney is at it again making a mother and daughter switch bodies and therefore lives so that they will see more eye-to-eye and be a happier family whatever. This time Lindsey Lohan (who's sold her soul to Disney) plays the punk-rocking daughter who is picked on by her ex-bestfriend and her English teacher; and Jamie Lee Curtis as the prim and proper psychiatrist mom. Throw in mom's fiancee a little brother and a grandpa and dead father and you have the same old Disney beaten to death story. Of course this film has it's moments but for the most part it is painfully boring. Certain scenes don't seem to fit, primarily when Lohan confronts the English teacher after she's inhabited by her mother. When is the last time Disney has produced a new idea... outside of their Pixar films? One woman in the theatre laughed hysterically and I chuckled once or twice but the film isn't funny enough to be called a comedy. I don't know if even the little kids would like this, but the average Disney channel watcher pro bably would. Freddy Vs. Jason As a fan of both series I have been waiting for this movie for years. I can safely say that it doesn't disappoint. The movie starts out with Freddy obsessing over how people don't fear him anymore or even remember him. So he comes up with a plot to get everyone to remember him. He can't get to anyone if they don't fear him, so he uses Jason to start killing people on Elm Street under his control. So of course all the adults start thinking that Freddy is back and now this has the kids afraid and Freddy has become strong enough to get his kids back. It is revealed that the adults of Elm Street have purposely done everything necessary to prevent the kids from ever thinking about Freddy again. But Jason is still killing people, which pisses Freddy off, because they are Freddy's kids and he wants to kill them. Freddy starts to feud with Jason in dreamland but is forced into the final showdown on Jason's turf at Camp Crystal Lake. A hellacious battle ensues with plenty of gushing blood. The movie is very cool and fun and should be thought of as nothing more than a fun horror film. The comic relief is good. The acting is nothing better than subpar, but it doesn't detract from the film. While it won't win any awards it accomplishes what it sets out to do and that is to entertain moviegoers and send fanboys into a frenzy. You probably want to know who wins right? Well...go see the movie then. Friday After Next Ice Cube and Mike Epps are back in action as Craig and Day-Day. They're back in the ghetto so awful stuff happens to them all the time, whether they're asleep on Christmas Eve and a burglar steals all their presents and Day-Day's ugly baby pictures, or they're pulling security guard duty to get the rent money that the burglar stole and a gang chases them pretty much out of no where. This movie delivers what it promises; laughs, black people, and Craig's dad on the toilet. The only pitfall this movie has is, like other comedies... say it with me... it has no plot. It just kinda ends. The ending isn't really supported and the plot was 99% inexistant, none-the-less it was funny and worth admission. G Gangs of New York I do not like Leonardo DiCaprio. He should have stopped his career with What's Eating Gilbert Grape. This movie is one of the best I've ever seen. Daniel Day Lewis is superb. The movie tells the tale of the gangs of New York... seek help if you couldn't figure that out. The opening kicks you into the mood of the film. DiCaprio's dad (Liam Neeson) is murdered in a gang war by Day Lewis. So DiCaprio makes it his mission to get revenge. The only thing is that there is no clear cut bad guy. Day Lewis only kills the dad because he has to, kill or be killed situation, and he feels remorse throughout the movie. DiCarpio runs away from the town after seeing his father's murder but sixteen years later returns and becomes "The Butcher"'s (Day Lewis) right hand man. The movie goes on to explain DiCaprio's plan and you see him fall for Cameron Diaz, who can actually act! What's that all about? Anywho it's a great flick that explains the bellicose history of New York during the Civil War and I recommend it for the more mature audience and those without weak stomachs 'cause this is a bloody one! Ghost Ship Hey look it's Resident Evil on the water!! That's what this movie is folks, only zombies become ghosts and it doesn't have near as much action. The story centers around a salvage crew and a helicopter pilot who find a cruise ship from 1969 in the middle of the arctic. The only thing is the ships haunted, but of course the crew doesn't know that. The movie starts off all lovey dovey this li'l girl being a wallflower until the captain asks her to dance then something goes horribly wrong! (bet you didn't see that coming) A wire snaps and everyone on the ship is cut in half cept the li'l girl cause she's li'l, but then you'll find out what happens as the movie continues to unfold, another movie like Abandon where you have to hold out until the end before it gets really good. Good Girl The good girl is the story of Justine(Jennifer Aniston) who hates her husband, her job, and pretty much her whole life in the small Texas town she lives in. She works at a small department like store and discovers a young man who also works there that shares the same hatred of his life like her. His name is Tom but he wants to be know as Holden of Catcher in the Rye because its his favorite book and he has the same kind of problems as the main character in that story. They start to have a love affair and for a while it seems to be the greatest thing for Justine but she becomes tired of Holden always being around and she begins to feel guilty and also believes someone knows about them. The rest of the movie plays out nicely and I don't want to tell you how it turns out. This was a serious drama about adultery and mid-life crisis that also contained a lot of comedy, mostly supplied by Tim Blake Nelson(O Brother Where Art Thou?). A real good movie for the serious crowd, so moms and dads leave the kids at home when you go see this one. H Halloween Resurrection The very first Halloween movie is the best horror movie ever made in my opinion and even the second one was good, but it should have stopped there. But of course it didn't and 6 more movies were created. I haven't seen all 8 movies but I can say this one is the worst. I didn't see Halloween H20 but at the beginning of this movie it shows how Laurie(Jamie Lee Curtis) cut off "Michael's" head in the last film only it wasn't Michael and he comes back and kills her in the first five minutes of the movie. A final showdown between those two would have made a much better movie. So as soon as that part is out of the way they go right to the real story, a group of six teens that are put into Michael's house to try and find clues as to why he did it for an internet show. One by one they start to get killed and Busta Rhymes, who runs the internet show, and one of the teens are the only ones left and they get help from this guy who the one teen left met online, and he sends messages to her on the palm pilot helping her to escape Michael and eventually "kill" him, although you never know. So it just goes to show you that if the internet and palm pilots had been around in the first movies, nobody would have been killed. If you're looking for a good horror movie, go rent the original Halloween. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Harry Potter is back again, in another movie filled with wizardry and magic. This is the second in the now legendary series of books by JK Rowling. This movie follows Harry as he returns to Hogwart's for his second year of wizard school. He is warned by an elf that bad things will happen if he returns. Problems do arise of course for Harry and his friends. The Chamber of Secrets contains an evil monster that will kill all of those who are not pure blood wizards. Another twist ending is added to this fantastic mystery. This movie is as good as the first and will be enjoyed by all fans of the series. The acting is great and the story is of course superb. A great overall watch for the whole family. Those of you saying this is just for kids, shouldn't be so quick to judge and give it a shot. It is truly a magnificent film that will leave you asking when the next in the series will be out. Hart's War So you liked A Few Good Men? And Saving Private Ryan is another favorite? Then in theory this movie should be good...shouldn't it? Aye it should but it isn't. Don't get me wrong it's not a bad movie but it's not a superb movie. The plot was great the characters were great but it just lacked over all. It felt to me as though it was a "look at the hardships of the blackman" kinda movie disguised as a war flick like Pearl Harbor was a love story disquised as a war flick too. I liked the movie but if you are down to this or another movie go with the other one. High Crimes A really good movie that keeps your attention throughout the entire flick. It centers on Ashley Judd, a rookie Marine lawyer and Morgan Freeman fighting for the life of Judd's husband, who is accused of the murder of nine natives. Though the flick kinda drags on in the middle it's still really good and keeps one's attention throught the 2 hours and 20 minutes it runs. It makes one think of how possible events like this are. Though it is a serious movie it's got its share of action and comedy. Not your average court drama. Hollywood Homicide Out of all the new "boy actors" (yanno the ones that're like boy bands, ie Ashton Kutcher) I think Josh Hartnett is one of the better ones. He does a great job in this flick as Harrison Ford's police partner trying to solve the case of a murdered rap group. From the trailer this looked beneath Ford and from his performance, although good but playful, I expect he did too. The movie is a buddy cop film and follows that formula but they never have a falling out so it's kind of refreshing. The story starts to develop several sub plots but is quick to extinguish them and then quickly end the movie. Though it was two hours long the movie ended abruptly and didn't have either character do any real detective work, though the end delivers the most yuks and the most excitement. This isn't a comedic film, most of the laughs are in the trailer, but it is entertaining enough to recommend as a summer flick, nothing more though. The Hot Chick Rob Schneider is a dirty man. In this movie he plays a criminal who holds up a gas station and on his way out is mistaken for an attendant and as you probably saw in the trailer a "pretty" girl is rude to him. Before all that there is a pair of earrings used to get a princess out of a marriage by changing bodies with her servant. Then the "pretty" girl makes fun of the "freak" girl and the "freak" puts a hex on her and the "pretty" girl finds the earrings and loses one that Schneider finds. So Schneider and Jessica (that's the pretty girl) each have an earring, and they each put them on and voila! just like in acient times they switch. Jessica's life is flipped upside down and she tries to deal with it and not get caught. Sandler has a great cameo and the movie is funny... but it's a giant ripoff of a lot of different movies, primarily "Freaky Friday" (old movie where two people, usually mother/daughter or sister/sister, switch bodies yadda yadda). Schneider plays a good role as a teenaged ... bitch for lack of a better word. The movie is predictable but we grade lightly on that, unless it's incredibly bad. What we do grade highly on is entertainment value, and this movie has more than its share of that. A great Friday night flick if you've seen the rest that Hollywood has to offer. The Hours The Hours is about how 3 women are affected by a book written by Virginia Wolfe. Nicole Kidman plays Virginia Wolfe and it showed her struggle with writing this story about a woman throwing a party and the woman having trouble with life and things like that and ultimately killing herself. Julianne Moore is a woman in the 1950s who is depressed and reading that book and wants to kill herself as well. Meryl Streep plays a modern day woman who is throwing a party for her gay friend(Ed Harris) who has just won a big award. She is very stressed out and reading that same book. Julianne Moore turns out to be the mother of Ed Harris' character and she left him as a child. The performances were amazing in this movie, the cast is absolutely great. Jeff Daniels co-stars as Ed Harris' ex-lover and Claire Danes plays Meryl Streep's daughter. The story kind of bored and confused me, but other than that this was a good film. House of the Dead This is the big screen adaptation of the popular Sega video game. A group of friends attend a rave on the island known as "Isla del Muerte"(I know that's the place I'd like to visit) or as Clint Howard's character puts it, the "Island of Death for those who don't speak Mexican." While that line is funny and was good, not much else was. The movie starts by showing one of the surviving friends, and he tells us right off that all his friends die. Well so much for suspense. He does this dumb narration and then the movie begins. He is already at the party and the other friends arrive late. By the time the other friends get there most people have been killed already. So now the friends must fight to stay alive and escape the island. That may not be a great plot summary but there isn't a great plot to summarize. The acting is terrible, only Clint Howard's brief appearance and comic relief is good. The dialogue is so forced and flat it's ridiculous. Many elements of this film were just awful. The rave is sponsored by Sega, which is just funny. Almost everytime a zombie is shot, the bullets are shown Matrix style, although one shot of this shotgun where it shows how it sprays is cool. Another laughable element was showing game footage with movie footage when zombies were shot, while it was creative, it was also extremelty stupid. Also, the captain of the ship that brought them to an island just happen to be smuggling powerful firearms and the teens just happened to know how to use them without being affected by the kick of a shotgun, really logical. The friends show little or no regard for their dead friends. The back story they give takes up only a minute of the movie, so you never get a good explanation of how the zombies became zombies. All right now for the good, there wasn't much but there was some. The zombies looked similar to those in the game, which was cool. The action was pretty nonstop and some of the deaths were awesome. Not much else was there. The film is watchable for the fact that it never really slows down, but other than that it is terrible. House of 1000 Corpses Rock star Rob Zombie writes and directs this twisted horror flick. A group of four teenagers are traveling cross country looking for wierd road side attractions for a book they are writing. They stop at Captain Paulding's House of Monsters and Freaks or something like that and he tells them of the legend of Dr. Satan. They go looking for the tree where they hung Dr. Satan and his body disappeared and they pick up a hitch hiking whore. She belongs to a family of freaks that torture and eventually kill all the teens. Rob Zombie is cool in trying to make the campy old '70 horror films but did he really need a rip off of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The film is eery and creepy but it certainly was not as gory, bloody, and scary as advertised. The acting by these no names is as expected...terrible. I like the idea Zombie had but those '70s horror films were dumb and so is this. The film is mildly entertaining and the Captain is pretty funny, but the rest is just boring and confusing and never seems to stay on track. At the end they bring up a thing of text that says "The End" but then they go and add a "?" to that trying to scare you more and probably leave open for a sequel. Not the best movie you could go see and it will hopefully be a lot more terrifying on the DVD where they don't have to censor it for us kids. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Another chick flick...er, romantic comedy. Matthew McConaughey stars as Ben Barry, an ad executive and at his company there is a big contest to see who can win the deal for this diamond ad. Ben is bet by a couple of fellow workers that he can't make a woman fall in love with him in 10 days, and the ladies that bet him pick out Andie(Kate Hudson) who they already know is writing the article, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Andie is trying to ruin the relationship with every idea possible and Ben won't give up on her. The two finally learn of each other's plan and have the usual break-up and get back together part of the movie. This movie followed the guidelines that all romantic comedies use, but it had an interesting story that was very original and entertaining. The comedy was not great at all times but was helped out by Adam Goldberg(or as I like to call him, the king of small supportive roles). The film was not perfect, but not many are nowadays. A great film for all couples to go see, it is one of the better romantic comedies I have seen. Hulk This is the best comic book movie of all the movies that have been released in the recent craze. Director Ang Lee presents a much deeper and more intellectual comic book movie. While there is action, the movie doesn't depend upon blowing things up, the story is that good. Eric Bana plays Bruce Banner a scientist who is tormented by repressed memories of his childhood. One day when a lab accident occurs he gains the ability to become a super human being when he releases the pent up rage of his memories. He is in love with his lab assistant Betty Ross(Jennifer Connelly) who just recently dumped him. Her father is a military man trying to control the "Hulk" and presents one of the enemies of the film. The other is Glenn Talbot who works for a company that wants to have the self replicating cell technology that the Hulk uses to heal himself. The story and acting is magnificent. Never has there been suching a gripping tale from a film of this genre. For those of you interested in action though, you won't be disappointed. Hulk fights 3 Hulk dogs and many other awesome action sequences occur throughout. For those of you who think the CGI looked fake, the trailers don't do it justice. While it's not perfect it is pretty good. Ang Lee used a unique comic book layout in each scene that would show different boxes on screen each with a different image until it collapsed into one, that was maybe the best part. So if you were thinking this wasn't going to be good, just another movie like Daredevil trying to capitalize on comic success, you are wrong. The best film of the year is how I sum this up. The Hunted Benicio Del Toro stars as Aaron Hallam, a well trained killing machine. Hallam kills innocents while on a mission and is being hunted down by the government. He kills a few hunters, and the feds call in L.T Bonham(Tommy Lee Jones), the man who trained Hallam, to track him down. He does and they have him in custody but he gets free and the chase is on. A lot of running after this guy and then an awesome knife fight. This movie was action-packed. There is never any real characterization, they just kind of throw them at you. Also the movie just sort of ends, and those are the only problems that really arise in the movie. You will probably leave with a lot of questions unanswered, but if you think hard, it'll make perfect sense, and that is what makes this a great film. |
|